Florence Like a Harpoon, Daily and Nightly

This is the tale of my visit to Florence. Pictures forthcoming.

When I am disoriented and tired, my Italian kinda goes by the wayside, so I had a bit of a job explaining to the middle-aged lady that she was in my seat. Due to the first in a series of Wacky Train Hi-jinx, we did not get seats in the same cabin. However, the others must have managed to occupy my cabin at some point, because I was later mocked for falling asleep listening to Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap."

Travel Tip #1: When given the choice between a rolling suitcase and a backpack, pick the backpack. Pulling a suitcase on cobblestones is NOT fun.

Florence was gorg. The first thing I noticed (other than, to my terror/excitement, a McDonald's) was that it smelled like NOT urine. Also unlike Rome, there were few natives oot and aboot. Florence was clean, scenic, and touristy. ("50 points to Florence House," Adam said at one point, to which I added, "Two e-props.")

The trip to our hostel went smoothly...until we were told our hostel didn't actually have room for us. This was the first in a series of Leadership SNAFUs that Justin had to deal with. Luckily, they simply transferred us to another hostel five minutes away. (At Hostel #1, Becca was utterly transfixed by their aquarium. "These are the best and most active fish I have ever seen, she said." Shrug.)

Our true hostel had three bathrooms, a kitchen, and a ridiculous four-inch key that had to be turned just so. The owner explained to a nervous Justin all of the things that could potentially go wrong with the process.

Florence has four major attractions -- the Basilica of Santa Croce, Ponte Vecchio, the Uffizi, and the Duomo.

S. Croce is a large church with a large collection of art and dead people. I saw the tombs of Michelangelo, Machiavelli, and Rossini. There was also a dedication to Dante, but not Dante's body because SOMEONE decided to keep it (I'm looking at you, Ravenna.) The thing that made me happiest was Galileo's tomb. I couldn't resist grinning like an idiot when I saw his inscription. For some reason, it was like seeing the last resting place of a grandfather. In a maudlin display of nerdiness, I made sure no one was around, then whispered "Eppur Si Muove" and bolted.

After we wandered through the city for a while, we caught the glittering city lights off of the Ponte Vecchio. I have nothing to say, but much to show.

Afterwards, I had the best meal of my life at Il Gatto e La Volpe, a small restaurant in Florence that was painfully unaware how good its cuisine actually was.

Appetizer: Foccacia with spicy tomato chutney
Primi Piatti: Gnocchi con pesto e gorgonzola, Tagliatelle con salmone, Tortellini con bacon
Secondi Piatti: Pollo con marsala, Pollo con pomodori picanti, Pizza con i funghi

I'm not a gourmet or epicure or whatever, but I nearly died of happiness. Oh, side note: the name of the restaurant is a reference to the two characters from Pinocchio. After I figured this out the decor made a lot more sense.

Our first stop the next day was the Uffizi, an old Florentine mansion that housed some of the finest art in the world. Not being schooled in the art of, er, art, only two things appealed to be -- ancient Roman Imperial busts and the Niobe Room.

Having just learnt about the rise of the Roman Empire, seeing Julius, Augustus, Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius, Nero, Otho, Vespasian, and Marcus Aurelius was like meeting an internet friend for the first time. Julius Caesar looked, well stately but kind of naive, frankly. Augustus Caesar was a bad-ass Harrison Ford type. Nero looked like a sissy deviant. (Go figure.) Marcus Aurelius had four or five different busts/statues. He managed to look contemplative in ALL of them, whether he was fourteen or forty. In fact, he reminded me a little of Ross. My favorite bust was Vespasian, a merry old prankster who was kind of the Seinfeld of the ancient world -- always smiling, telling jokes and NOT killing his subjects in fits of pique. I felt an instant connection to him, and not just because he looked like my grandfather, but partially because the bust was so incredibly well done.

The Niobe room is a large, extremely well-preserved room that is full of statues and paintings that recount the myth of Niobe, in which Niobe learns an important lesson about snubbing Goddesses. I have little else to say about the Niobe room, save that everyone should go see it in person.

The Duomo was our next stop after the Uffizi. I can't even begin to describe its inside, so I'll focus on the mundane. Tourists are people who love to pay to exert themselves physically.

Travel Tip #2: If you love to pay to exert yourself physically, go to the Duomo in Florence. It is exactly what you love to do and they let you pay to do it.

We paid 6 euros to climb the 463-step bell tower and got the best view of Florence possible. On the way up, I counted each individual stair and was disappointingly enough, one stair off.

I ate dinner at McDonald's, reasoning that after the previous night's feast, even pretty good food would taste like ashes. After the Duomo, the plan was to take the train to Venice where we would stay at the hostel of Champions...CAMP JOLLY! But that is a tale for another day. Sera, loyal readers.